


Of yellow nails and garden rails

by nica00



Category: The Song of Achilles
Genre: Best Friends, Childhood Friends, M/M, Modern AU, demisexual achilles, patrochilles - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-09 01:54:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16440806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nica00/pseuds/nica00
Summary: I dont know where this is going but I like it so pls give me feedback





	1. Heartboner

**Author's Note:**

> I dont know where this is going but I like it so pls give me feedback

I sat by the edge of the pool while I talked to Briseis, feet hanging loosely in the water next to her. She was always saying she was gonna paint my toes while I slept because I had perfect nails. Today she was talking and talking and everything made sense and didn't because of him. He kept throwing me off my rhythm. It was his party and all he did was sulk, staring at me carefully from the other side of the pool. The deepest end. 

“I have a Van Gogh yellow nail polish, will that maybe convince you to let me do them?”

“Highly doubt it, but its very convincing”

“Maybe if I had a gold one you would let me”

“Why gold?”

“Gold, like Achilles”

“Shut up Briseis” She giggles at this and it fades quickly once she looks to her left and pulls up her grey swimsuit straps. There were guys looking at her and she felt uncomfortable, I could tell.

“Do you want me to go get you a towel?”

“No, it's okay” Is what she said, _you don't have to_ is what she meant. 

“I’ll be right back” I say, getting up and searching for him and I end up disappointed when he is not in my sight. I bump my way through the sea of people, most of them are dancing, drinking or both. I had a few drinks a while back but I havent had any more because I was planning on driving. I push past some more until I am inside and its calmer, so much I can hear my breathing as I shut the door. I forget where the towels are, so I make my way to Achilles’s room upstairs and open the closet where I know he keeps his towels. I have been in here enough to remember everything. I trace my fingers through the clothes in the hangers and see the blue button down he wore for his birthday a few years back, and the track shirts he kept in melancholy for his old teams. The sweaters for the cold winter nights, snow falling on gold eyelashes and his red nose peeking out from his blanket burrito in our tent. I can smell him. And I don't know why, but when I hear the adjacent bathroom door opening I hide. I do creeping my way into the closet and planning  on staying quiet until he was gone. I had no reason to. I could have just excused myself and left. But here I was, cursing myself for being an idiotic asshole. I could see, since I hid behind the hangers and had a mostly clear view of him shirtless. He looked at his phone, then locked it and unlocked it again. I could see his face scrunch up by the light from his screen, since it was mostly darker in here than outside. He grumbles something sounding like a curse before I notice that his hand is moving somewhere else, and my guts twist. I wasn't supposed to be here, not for this. Not this way. His breathing is hard, like I have never seen it and I have to hold my mouth shut in fear of giving myself away. He whined, quick and in a medium pitch because his voice was cracking. He moved faster inside his pants and then almost not at all, trying to control his stuttering hips into something close to a rhythm. I noticed he couldn't do it. He could with his eyes open, but he couldn't when he shut them. He bared his neck when he did, groaning in frustration and shrugging himself out of his thoughts. His pace went to shit when he closed them and he had to bite down hard on his lip to keep the noises inside his mouth. What was he embarrassed about? He keeps teasing himself, keeps opening his eyes right before the moment when he comes undone. Achilles looks miserable. He shakes his head a bit, saying no to himself when I wanted nothing more than to see him in his bliss. He finally gives in after 4 edges and exhales hard, murmuring _fuck it_ right afterwards. He took his cock out of his swimming shorts and made a fist over his head. I didn't even notice that I was leaking into my pants from squeezing my thighs together until now. He throws his head back landing with a thud in his headboard and begins to thrust his hips into his hand, the other was tugging softly on his own hair and he fucked his fist faster. He chuckles a little, probably from what he's imagining now with eyes shut that has him so eager to come. He mumbles something under his breath and for a second, I dare to  think that it's my name. Until he actually says it.

“Pat, fuck Patroclus”

I think that I have been discovered and tense up, thinking of an excuse, anything to justify this and he says my name again. No, he doesn't say it, he moans it, and it was better than anything I had ever heard in my entire life. And then it hits me, he is thinking about me. I freeze, hearing him repeat my name over like a litany while he comes with a loud sigh still not stopping the sound of my name. _Pa tro clus._ I stumble out and run, leaving the towel I had come to get behind and I hear him yell behind me. 

“Hey, what the- _Patroclus_?” he questions but I don't have time to answer because I bolt out of there. I feel him not far behind me and I hear him calling for me but I reach the kitchen without stopping, struggling to pull out my car keys out of my pants and make it to the front door. I bump into Briseis, wearing a dress over her swimsuit, her curly hair drenched. I forgot about her.

“Patroclus, are you alright? You look constipated”

“I gotta go Bri, you need a ride?”

“Yes actually, but why are we leaving? Is everything okay?”

“What's going on?”I hear him say after he spots us by the couch. He has a shirt on now, and I just think of how quick he had to be to put one on and still catch me in the process. Or maybe I’m just slow. 

“Nothing, we were just leaving”

“Actually, I was just asking him why we were leaving so early?” Briseis informs him not knowing she was throwing me into a hole.

“Yeah Pat, the party is gonna go on for good. I’m just getting started”

“I don't know, you seemed pretty finished to me” I say, regretting it instantly when I see the way his eyes soften.

“What?” Both of them say simultaneously, and I giggle out of nerves. She said it out of pure confusion, he knew what I meant and feigned ignorance.

“Nothing” I say and she raises an eyebrow and he frowns, before Bri catches on that there's something weird and suggests that we leave once in for all. 

“Pat, how many beers did you have?” 

“2” I lie. 

“Liar”

“3” I say and lower my head.

“Patroclus, you had 5 not even 3 hours ago. And you’re at your dads this weekend so you have to drive back its not like your moms house thats right beside here”

“I really have to go”

“No you dont, you both can crash here. You take my room and Bri will take the guest room. Give me your keys, now”

“Where will you sleep?” Bri asks, thankfully.

“Couch or not at all probably” he says, holding out his hand for me to hand him my car keys”

“Fucker” I say handing them to him and he rolls his eyes, kissing both of our heads softly before stepping out the back door to join the party once again. I just wondered if he even washed his hands. I didn’t mind but he was gonna touch others with that stuff on his hands and I really had to stop thinking. 

“Hey” he yells popping his head inside the house to talk clearer. “ Get clothes from my room, the both of you. Pat, you know where everything is. Mi casa su casa or whatever”

“Okay” We go up to his room and I grab the towel I threw and give it to her, along with a shirt and boxer briefs. His sweats would be too long on our legs. I grab some too and a towel and she goes to the guest room to shower and change. She says she’ll be done quick and wait for me in there.

I shut the door, sliding down it and start to pinch myself. Just because he beat his meat to me doesn’t mean he likes me. I peel off my pants, hating the way my skin was littered with dry come and how it fell off in little flakes. It seemed like a dream. Maybe I didn’t see him. Maybe I dreamt it all. What is even real? Once im naked I sit in the tub and fill it up because I was bored and mentally exhausted, so why not play with some fucking bubbles?  The hot water felt nice too.

I remember how it felt being very small. My first memories are of me and Achilles in this tub. Our mothers have lived next to each other all their lives. They had gone through divorces and deaths but with all the odds their friendship endured. My mother loved Achilles like he was her own, and Tethis loved me too in her own way. She always looked out for me even if I didn’t know it. Achilles would take soap and make a mohawk in my head and then gave me a beard of bubbles too. Even if back then I didn’t recognize the feeling in my chest and stomach, I can still remember it and recognize it now. I relive it everyday. I feel it all.

“Patroclus?” 

“I’m in the bathroom” I say, shutting off the faucet to hear better. 

“I figured. Can I come in?”

“Uh, I don’t know” 

“We really should talk”

“I agree”

“I’m coming inside” he says, fiddling with the lock before stepping in. He has a serious face, but it melts away once he sees me. “You’re taking a bubble bath without me?” He asks and I can't help but laugh at this. He doesn’t even take his pants off but he takes off his shirt and joins me. He sits at the opposite end of the tub, legs bunched up into his chest and sighs loudly. Achilles doesn’t break eye contact, not even acknowledging the fact that I was naked under the bubbles and the bubbles could only do so much to cover me up. 

“So” he says, starting to mold the bubbles into a circle in his hands. 

“Talk Achilles, try to explain what the fuck that was earlier” I say, almost delusional because I was dying to see how he would bullshit his way out of this one.

“It was a moment of weakness. I have had a few beers and was feeling horny and nothing could make me get off. You just popped into my head because I saw you shirtless at the pool and noticed, although not for the first time, that there are certain things about you that I find incredibly hot. It happens. Has it not happened to you?” 

“Sure yeah, but not with you” I lie. 

“Okay then you understand, it's not something to worry about. If it bothers you I promise I won’t do it again” 

“So you were planning on doing it again!”

“Chill the fuck out” he says, rolling his eyes. 

“You were! How many times has that happened? Honestly, I won’t get mad”

“ It happens regularly” he says truthfully, sighing a bit. 

“Oh my god, oh my god” I say, swallowing hard. 

“Patroclus, you look sick”

“Please explain” How did this happen? And was this only physical? 

“I don’t know. Most of the time I can’t, how do I say this… I can't get it to be hard. I cannot do it if I don't think of you” he says, now putting his head down. 

“Wait. Is that why you and Dei…?”

“Yes. I may have called her Patroclus during, you know” 

“Fucking christ. For how long Achilles?” 

“Since I started getting regular boners in puberty” 

“And. Fuck, you say it doesn’t _happen_ if you don’t think of me?”

“Yes, exactly. Can we stop talking about this. It makes me feel like I’m a weirdo” he says this and I realize how strange this must feel for him. 

“But you aren’t Achilles. Do you know what demisexuality is?” 

“No” he says, furrowing his brows. 

“Well, it just means you aren’t sexually attracted to someone unless or until you form a deep emotional connection with them”

“So I can only get emotional boners?” 

“Um, yeah lets not call them that” 

“Emo-boners? Wait, let me think…” 

“You just don't want sex unless you are very close with someone, like our friendship” he is in deep thought, until he pops his finger up and tells me, rather loudly

“Heart Boner! I can only get heart boners” I leap forward and cover his mouth so he doesn’t say it louder, afraid that someone might hear.

“Fine. Heart boners. Sure.” I said rolling my eyes and releasing my breath.

“I'm sorry, but it helps me understand this better” he says, my hand still on his face. He licks my hand and I scowl, almost laughing at his smug satisfied face.

“You have more freckles now” he says scooting closer and reaching out, tracing his finger down my nose. “Well it is summer, the sun makes you tanner” he keeps inspecting my nose until he stops, scrunching up his eyebrows in question. “What do you have here? It’s shiny, and red and if I touch it it- booop” He says tapping my nose.This makes me laugh. He always did that to cheer me up. He was closer now than how he usually did it but it still made me melt a little. He was here in the water with me and it was like not time had passed at all. In this bathtub we were still those kids without a single care in the world. Our red string was tight and short because of how close we were and it hadn’t gotten tangled or messy. Sometimes we liked to think we had a red string tying us together. Sometimes I was convinced of it. Sometimes I wasn't sure. The only thing I was sure of was that he was my favourite person in the world.

“The string is close now isn’t it?” He asks, tilting his face sideways in question. He really was my favourite.

“It is” I say. I can’t believe he remembered that now like I did. “And you’re still my favourite”  



	2. Hear how it beats for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They talk more. And maybe other things...

“And you’re still my favorite” it leaves my mouth too fast for me to comprehend, but I didn't care. He would understand. He smiled at me knowingly, before chuckling and moving closer to me. He raised an eyebrow as I tensed up, reaching for the bar of soap behind me. This made us both laugh, maybe because we were so nervous or because of how happy we felt. Or at least I did.

“ I should go, people are gonna start to go crazy soon”

“Yeah, you should” he was going to leave, but then he paused like he was going to speak. But he doesn't, and shuts the door swiftly behind him. When it got to be really late, people started leaving. Briseis was long gone on the guest room, loudly snoring when I checked on her. She always slept in weird angles. This time, her hands were crossed on her chest and her legs were crossed. It felt weird to see her sleep like that, like she might open her eyes at any given moment. I eventually found my way back and laid down in Achilles’s bed. It smelt like him, a soft scent of him and his perfume. I loved it, so much I grabbed a pillow and just dropped my face in it. I breathed in and out, uncaring if he saw. It felt like when I hugged him, and for a small yet huge moment I buried my face in him. It smelt like what I will never call mine. If he saw me I could just say I was trying to asphyxiate myself. Yeah, that would work.

He came back while I was in between the line of awake and asleep. I woke up and saw him, just out of the shower with some sweatpants on and nothing else. Maybe waking life was better than my dreams even if it was for 4 mere seconds. He saw that I had woken up and stopped, giving me a small smile. He left then returned with some pillows and a comforter and laid his body down on the carpet beside the bed, and after a while he fell asleep like that.When I was sure that he would be unaware, I silently roll my way to the edge of the bed. His face was a blank canvas, lips were slightly parted and pink even in the dim light. He kind of moved in his sleep and I thought maybe he was still awake, but I knew how to confirm that.“I’m gonna watch star wars” I whispered. When he didn’t stir, I knew he truly was asleep.

I slowly make my way closer to over him, hanging my torso over the edge of the bed. My hand is hovering over his skin so close I can feel the warmth but I don’t dare to touch it. I graze my way to his mouth, my index tracing over his cupids bow. I trace the lines of his lips, a big desire to touch him more spreading through me. I had done this before. Touched his hair and eyebrows. Even though I did nothing else but observe and feel, I still felt guilty. Even if I didn't do anything bad I was still touching him when he wasn't aware. I ran my finger up the bridge of his nose, then the tip and then his septum, always finding my way back to his lips. I longed for them so much. So soft and pleading.

Because of my lack of upper body strength, it starts to hurt to dangle off the side of the bed and I retreat, but I slip faster than my eyes could manage to process in the dark. I feel a hand on my wrist holding me up and hear a huff of laughter. At this point I can feel his laughing on my face, because of the puffs of hair he let out. I could tell he was laughing hard because there was barely no noise coming out, just air. That's when I knew something was extremely funny to Achilles. He would just clap and laugh like he was dry heaving. Not for the first time in my young promising life I wished god would take me. I had landed right on top of him, and he ran a hand to my hair to ground himself from the laughing. He couldn’t stop and I felt so embarrassed. I didn’t think I would ever feel this way with him. Like I wanted to disappear. He begins to sit up, dragging me along with him because I was paralyzed. We sat up in the rug, between his legs and even in the dark I couldn’t look at him in the eyes.I grab my face in my hands as words leave my mouth, a tangled string of curses on my life and apologies and self deprecating words.

“Patroclus. Stop. Do not say those things. And stop talking about about yourself like that, those things, they're just  not true. Its okay its just me. You've got nothing to be embarrassed about. I like how weird you are. You know I’m weird too. Please stop”

“I hate myself so much right now” I murmur and he grabs my face. 

“Well stop. Because I love you so much right now. And hating Patroclus isn’t allowed on my property. Not even if it’s Patroclus hating Patroclus. Or hating yourself. Or Patroclus hating himself. Wait I got mixed up, shut up you know what I mean” he always knew how to make me laugh.

“Okay. Sorry for breaking the rules”

“You are forgiven, but if I catch you doing it again I’m gonna tickle you until you cry” he says, his voice changing from a calm one to a very serious tone. Oh fuck he meant the tickling thing. I hated getting tickled.

“Seems fair” I say and rest my head against the edge of the mattress. I sigh and facepalm. He moves, getting on his knees before me. I wish I knew what he was thinking. 

“You know, this wouldn’t have happened if you would have just kissed me” now that I did know I was just stupefied at the sound of his thoughts. How could he be so blunt?  

“You don't mean that”

“You have never been so wrong in your life. I mean it so much it hurts” he says, slowly cupping my cheeks and rising to his knees. He pulls me up, his hands soft on my skin. Our noses are together, and now I have nowhere else to look but his eyes. Our lips graze together causing my skin to tickle and I ask a question. He probably understood my question because he noded, hazily yet reassuringly and looked at me through half lidded eyes as he pulled me close. This makes our lips meet completely. I hesitate to do so but I kiss him. I didn’t really know what I was doing but he certainly did because when he kissed back I felt like my body was going to give out. My knees went weak, but he held me up. My hands were glued to my legs but the way he touched me made up for my lack of action. While only my mouth worked, he was everywhere. He traced his hands up my spine. He held me against the side of the bed gently. Achilles was restless, tugging me up towards him and I didn’t couldn’t believe this was a kiss. This couldn’t be just a kiss it had to be more, because it felt like I was combusting.

“What have I done” I say when he pulls away. He just stares. A lot. So I look down to my lap, trying to hide somehow.

“Look at me” he orders, but not in a harsh way but with a soft voice I know realize he only reserved for me and times like this. “You finally gave in”

“Achilles what have we done?” What would our moms say? They have been friends all their lives, lived next to each other and been there for the both of us through thick and thin. They would see this as their sons kissing or worse, siblings kissing. 

“We kissed because we wanted to. I don't want to pretend anymore. Aren’t you sick of it?” He asks, leaning towards me again. He smiles, a little curve upwards in the corner of his mouth before he looks down to me. He presses a kiss to the space between my eyebrows before asking “Can we do it again?” I nod, almost trembling. “I need to hear you say it. Can we do it again? I will kiss you this time” He asks again, determined to make sure I wanted this too. My heart went soft, because he knew how many things I did in life that I was forced into. He wanted me to make this choice.

“Yes Achilles you can” he does so deliberately, sliding his hand under my shirt to caress my back so he could feel more skin. If the simple skinship we had daily felt too good, this felt heavenly. It is like when we go for a swim and we're under the water for too long and when you come up, gasping for air. Its a little frustrating but when you start to breathe evenly again it is the best thing ever. This is how that felt. We were both finally breathing. He sits in front of me now, catching his breath and lacing our hands together.

“Its really late, we should sleep” he informs me, wrapping his arms around me. He squeezes me, pressing languid kisses to my shoulder.

“You really think I’m going to get any sleep after that?” I say, laughing nervously.

“You will. I will make sure of it” he gets up, pulling me with him since somehow he managed to not let go of me. He puts us in the bed, he is on the side of the wall and he pulls me close, so I can lay my head on his chest if I wanted to. I rested it near his shoulder, touching but not on top of him. We had slept together before a few times. On family trips in hotels and camping, but never like this. Never this intimate. I try to not move a lot like I usually do, because I don't want to bother him. He still notices that I’m trying to get comfortable despite my best efforts.

“You comfortable babe?”

“What did you call me?” I say, my eyes probably popping out of my skull.

“You heard me” I could feel my blush, and I wanted to scream.

“I’m trying to get comfortable to fall asleep but I don't want to bother you with my moving”

“You usually just hug a pillow, don’t you?”

“Yes…” he smiles in the dark and I can tell because even now its blinding.

“Come here”

“I'm already _here_ we can’t get closer”

“Yeah we can look” he grabs my leg and swings it over himself, and slides and arm around me to make me be almost on top of him completely. It felt just like my pillow.

“I can hear your heart” I say once I settle in, slowly relaxing to the heat of him so close to me. It was incandescent. 

“Yeah, hear how it only beats for you”

“You are the smoothest little shit” I say, laughing hard. 

“Thank you” he says, kissing the top of my head and resting his face there. I felt his breathing even out, and even in his sleep he gave me small kisses when he moved. Even though I took a long time to fall asleep because of the giddiness I never went to bed so happy before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like were this is going guys, I want to make this very sweet snd fluffy but not cringey you know? Tell me how its going and tell me about grammar horrors!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :) point out errors to me!


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